June 26, 2008
Communication Question - talking with your political opposite
Meryl,
I’m interested to hear strategies folks have employed to re-route political discussions they don’t want to have.
Some at work are vocal in sharing their strongly-held views on politics and/or religion. Regardless of my personal view on the topic, I prefer not to talk politics or religion unless it relates to the work at hand. It seems a high-risk conversation with limited potential benefit.
My father’s family regularly enjoys Socratic and roundtable debates hashing out such topics, whereas my mother is genuinely pained by such conversations and tends to escape. Her beliefs stem straight from her core and she gets genuinely upset when challenged or asked to explain them. She believes what she believes and doesn’t want to defend or explain them, nor does she seek to convert others. When others don’t share her position, she struggles to understand and avoid judging them; thus, she’d rather not go there, particularly with loved ones. Debating with dad’s side can be fun, but I respect mom’s needs enough to avoid the subject when she is in the group.
Without knowing who at work needs what on such touchy subjects, I’d rather not go there either. How can one communicate that effectively?
Meryl Responds,
I advocate having these conversations, not avoiding them. Otherwise, brash, bold and aggressive communicators dominate and the more sensitive perspectives never get heard. I imagine your mother’s aversion to these conversations is due to the fact is that most political discussions are argumentative and ungracious. She hold personal beliefs, and most political conversations treat the topic in callus, impersonal ways.
Interesting, isn’t it? - I suspect your mother’s voice is the one that most needs to be heard, and she’s the one who is reluctant to speak.
Sometimes we need to move into areas of discomfort. She (and you) could say something like:
- I have observations on this topic, but I hesitate to share them because the tone of the conversation is contentious, not cooperative. I work hard to understand what you’re saying, and if I feel like you’re willing to do the same for me, I’d be happy to share how I see the situation.
If her beliefs are deeply held, it could benefit everyone to hear them. It might shift the dialogue to a deeper level, too.
At work you could say,
I have strong feelings on this issue which I prefer not to share in a casual conversation.
That way, you can defer the conversation for a situation that respects your preference and needs.
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Related posts which may interest you
- Reader question ~Who’s entitled to an opinion?
- Congressman Lee Hamilton’s advice to the consensus-starved
- Blog guidelines: How to start a reasonable dialogue about reasonable dialogue
- What not to say ~ “How does it feel to have abandoned the cause of your life?”
- Guest post ~ another unlikely alliance
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