For those who think Democracy should be
a collaborative experience.
February 5, 2009
Women in politics ~ a more collaborative approach
My Unite and Concur eBook and keynotes are all about how to stop arguing and start communicating about politics. They describe a type of communication that is more natural to one half of our population than the other half. I’m talking about women.
There are three main centers of power in communication – might, heart and reason. While we each use all three centers to some extent, we also have our own strengths and tend to use one center more than the others. We women, (I’m a member of that club) base our interactions from our heart center – the one that seeks to collaborate rather than overpower or intellectualize. That approach uses inclusive language – we, our, us – instead of internal language – me, my and I.
It’s not that we women don’t use logic and logical language, or that we don’t call up our will and stronger language to make a point – we do. We just (generally) use the intellectual center and the power center to support the heart center, not the other way around. We start with heart, apply reason and increase the power if we need to.
Divide and Conquer used to be the law of the political land. But as women are becoming increasingly politically engaged, Unite and Concur is getting a toe hold. When it’s collaboration is practiced with grace and skill, it leaves the political bullies exposed and powerless, because their tactics don’t work any more.
I write more about how women are changing the politcal landscape and what it looks like to Unite and Concur in my new article, It’s My Democracy and I’m Watching it. enjoy it – and comment here. Thanks!
October 7, 2008We need another time out
Candidates are not responsible for what their supporters say at campaign events, but they do send a strong message when they allow supporters to advocate violence toward their opposition. If your candidate is letting chants like “kill” and “terrorist” and “B#*&%@” go unchallenged, please call a campaign office to complain.
Rudy Giuliani deomnstrated how to do this in 2006, when a supporter interrupted him to say terrorists reminded him of Democrats. Giuliani stopped and said, “Time out. The other thing we have to learn is that we can’t get into this partisan bickering. The fact is that Republicans and Democrats have the same objectives…. Democrats are loyal Americans. Republicans are loyal Americans. I think we have better answers, but we have to respect each other.”
We all need to call for a time out when the hateful raging goes over the top. And if it’s your onwn candidate you’re challenging, all the better.
Why are you excited about your candidate?
A friend canvasses for her presidential candidate. She told me when people tell her they’re voting for the other candidate, she says,
- I’m excited about my candidate for so many reasons. I’d like to know: why are you excited about yours?
She says people rarely have specific reasons to explain their choice (if they admit to be excited at all.) It gets some to rethink their positions.
Of course, to avoid being a manipulative tactic, my friend needs to be sincere in her questioning and interest. She is.
September 29, 2008More Presidential ~ Grace under Fire
Unite and Concur took on Divide and Conquer at the first presidential debate. The post debate spin was clear that John McCain came across as more combative and Barrack Obama came across as more conciliatory. McCain hit attack and did not engage Obama directly, while Obama looked to McCain as he spoke and acknowledged points of agreement. The McCain campaign had an ad out before midnight showing a medley of clips of Obama telling McCain where he agreed with him. The McCain campaign clearly thought the acknowledgement would make Obama look weak, and many Obama supporters voiced the same concern. Some suggested that Obama showed grace under fire, and wondered if that would play well on Main street.
The debate tested Unite and Concur principles, and it passed the test.
Obama was regarded as appearing “more presidential” by 46% of debate watchers, in contrast to the 33% who regarded McCain as more presidential.
As the author of Unite and Concur, I encourage all of us to show grace under fire and to appear presidential when our political ideas are challenged. The verdict is in and the polls have shown – grace under fire and a collaborative approach to dialogue is effective.
September 8, 2008I do question his judgment
I read a post by Lanny Davis about a distinction he learned to make from his political opposite, John McCain. Davis asked McCain why he refused to shake his hand. McCain said, “Because I’ve seen you on TV and I don’t like the way you attack Ken Starr’s motives rather than his judgment. I don’t like your type of attack dog in politics.”
Davis heard his point and the next time he was interviewed, he said,
“While I do not question Mr. Starr’s sincerity or good faith, I do question his judgment” before he made his point.
The next time he met McCain, McCain shook his hand and acknowledged Davis’ improved wording. he said, “You made the distinction between personal attack and questioning judgment. I congratulate you and apologize for my rudeness the last time we met.”
Whether you think McCain walks his own talk these days or not, I hope you’ll agree this is a distinction we should encourage.
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Related posts which may interest you
- More Presidential ~ Grace under Fire
- What not to say ~ “How does it feel to have abandoned the cause of your life?”
- Firestorms over show hosts Imus, Shuster and Rhodes’ suspensions illustrate confusion over aggression and assertiveness
- Blog guidelines: How to start a reasonable dialogue about reasonable dialogue
- Poison Phrase ~ If you believe that, you’ll believe anything
A better way ~ a two year old learns to sift through spin
Author M. Gigi Durham started teaching her daughter critical thinking skills to help her see through marketing and spin when her daughter was just two years old.
Durham says, “If they’re watching a commercial on TV, and there is a toy, you can just start talking to them: ‘Do you think that toy is as good when you bring it home as it is on TV? Do you know why they make it look so fun, and like these kids are having so much fun? Because they really want you to spend money on it.’”
Durham concludes, “They understand.”
The market forces in our media-driven world are compelling. It appears there’s more to be gained by empowering ignorance and the lowest common denominator than by empowering intelligence and insight.
Unite and Concur is about empowering the high road – even if there is no profit in it. You can never start too young – or continue too old.
People who sell sex and policies and drugs and otherwise profit from spin and ignorance aren’t motivated to raise the dialogue to a more noble one.
Are you?
Unite and Concur Pressroom